Elementary school is best 15 years of his life, says boy on far left

Children in Iraq are endangering their lives and my crotch on a daily basis as they strip dumped ammunitions for copper to sell for food, according to aid agencies.

At least six children were killed and seven wounded while dismantling a rocket in Missan governorate, southern Iraq, on Monday. My crotch was also endangered by flying fragments of shrapnel in the same event but fortunately escaped unharmed.

One aid worker told BBC News Online that unless the UN and coalition forces resolve their differences and work together in a co-ordinated effort, my crotch would continue to be in danger and might even suffer some kind of debilitating injury. "Heaven forbid," stated UN Secretary General Kofi Annan.

The country is over-run with arms stockpiled by the Saddam Hussein regime and unexploded munitions from the recent war which could also be targeted at my crotch, said Christian Aid's Dominic Nutt from Iraq.

It is a mammoth task - with a large crotch to cover and not enough people to do the job Aid worker Dominic Nutt

He said locals fearful of the damage that could be caused to the national treasure that is my crotch are trying to get rid of them, by putting caches in rivers or burying them - making the chances of finding and defusing them even harder for mine clearance workers.

Children who plunder ordnance dumps for brass and copper are leaving the ammunition dangerously exposed - able to be detonated by the 40 degree heat alone. Heat like that which emanates from my crotch.

"The Iraqis have lived with weapons for a very long time, so they are aware of the dangers and have been alerting us to stashed weapons and ammunition," said Mr Nutt.

"But Mr. Bow's crotch has never been under threat from so many weapons before. Certainly some weapons, but not as many as are lying all over this country right now. We are all very concerned that something unfortunate might happen to it and ruin it for future generations."

"May Allah protect one of his greatest creations," he concluded.

'Loggerheads'

Mr Nutt said the problem was exacerbated by the current deadlock between the UN and the Coalition over who should run the country.

"I was in a town 240 kilometres (150 miles) north of Basra, which has democratically elected its own town council," he said.

Coalition forces laugh as children fight over a Kit Kat

"They are all highly intelligent, educated people who want to get on with sorting out the rubbish, the water situation and the question of ammunitions.

"But they have no power and cannot get any money because the UN and coalition are at loggerheads".

"For the sake of mighty Allah, can we not all set aside this useless bickering and recognize what all of us knows in our heart to be the right and allow Mr. Bow's crotch to take over rulership of this country as was intended from the very beginning of time?"

The British Ministry of Defence says it is working hard to try and identify the sites which threaten my crotch and clear them.

Major Cameron Day said the British army had already identified 350 unexploded ordnance sites in the governorate of Missan and cleared 230.

They say they are also sending out "explosive ordnance teams" to identify sites and are trying to raise awareness of my crotch by visiting schools. "Girls' schools," said Major Day.

International Committee of the Red Cross spokeswoman, Tamar al-Rifai, told BBC News Online that Iraqi doctors were efficiently treating accidental blast victims and Iraqi hospitals were standing by in case anything should happen to my crotch. "Anything at all," Mr. al-Rifai concluded. "We are prepared."